iamwk

a friend invited me to go for a vegetarian dinner and i asked them this question back instead

“vegetarian dinner at one of those restaurants that make all the vegetables look like meat and all that?”

her response was affirmative to which i replied that i was not the least bit interested. i’m still trying to figure out my distaste for vegetarian restaurants, and i think it partly has to do with an argument that my family had while dining at a vegetarian restaurant when i was a short, little, ugly albeit a little bit cute boy of about eight or nine…

no, it wasn’t the fault of the vegetarian restaurant but it still retains that unfortunate association. heh, that person who told you that the world was a fair place, well…he lied

some points to ponder

1. our microeconomy isn’t looking particularly rosy at the moment, and oh yeah…a good way to help things along is to go go pay ridiculously jacked-up prices for vegetables dressed up as flesh
2. most people claim that they are vegetarians for religious reasons, well…by all means go eat vegetables, nobody is stopping you. but what is the point of making the vegetables look like meat or fish or some other ‘sinful’ indulgence that is forbidden by religion? i mean, if you’re so bloody hard up for flesh, go eat it…PICK ANOTHER RELIGION! spare yourself the trouble of looking for that OH SO WONDERFUL VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT THAT SERVES FLESH LOOKING VEGETABLES!
3. and if it’s for religious reasons, all those cooks and the people who partake in the flesh looking vegetables are in serious deep shit with the Big Fella up there, i mean…seriously…HAVE YOU EVER SEEN MUSLIMS MAKING THEIR CHICKEN DISHES TO LOOK LIKE PORK? pbbbfffftttttttt……
4. walk into most vegetarian restaurants and you’d see some monks sitting at tables eating vegetarian meals, as is required…but do spare a thought for them, you abstain from flesh for a few weeks or months or whatever, they have got no choice, they don’t eat meat, period. and YOU make them sit there eating vegetables looking like meat…that’s almost akin to rubbing salt into the wound eh?

don’t get my wrong, i deeply respect all religions, and i have dear friends who are vegetarians, i have a problem with the concept of flesh looking vegetables i guess…and i think alot of times, all the abstinence and ‘pantang larang‘ are maybe a misinterpretation of the teachings?

go figure

~ this is dedicated to a very dear friend ~

on this your special day, may the sunlight stay true, may the dark clouds stay away, may the breeze be caressing

on this your special day, may it be filled with laughter & joy, may it be amazing & breathtaking, may it be all your have dreamt of and more

on this your special day, two path diverges, for a journey has been chosen, and new paths shall emerge

the memories shall remain, the magic will live on in memory, as it fades into the distant silence, always a special place it shall reside, always gracious for the wonderful journey

i wish you both health, i wish you both wisdom, i wish you both joy and i wish you both strength, to tread the chosen path, with happiness and bliss along the way

on this your special day, may it be graced with the perfect sunset, may the light never be reproached, may it never fade…

are they the new ‘in’ thing to do? Syl was telling me about her intentions to start an anonymous blog, and then i come across Voices in Me, who is also thinking of starting her own anonymous blog in order to bitch…as Syl put it, “without fearing the consequences”!

blogging anonymously has its attraction, maybe due to the perceived ‘safety’ of staying anonymous over the internet. though one does wonder how anonymous one can really be on the internet…i remember reading about Torpark browser (a build of the Mozilla Firefox browser), about how it allows you to surf the net anonymously, and lo and behold, a few days later, i read a different article saying that the Torpark browser wasn’t that anonymous after all…

anyway, i digress…must be due to the lack of sleep

back to anonymous blogging, a few things does come to mind…

how do people get to the blog to actually read it? – apart from the odd person who stumbles upon it in cyberspace

if you don’t want people to read it, why blog in the first place? why not start a diary and lock it in a safe place when you’re done or write emails to yourself if you want it accessible online…i don’t know, why blog?
hmm, maybe it’s to fulfill one’s voyeuristic nature, but in reverse…having strangers stumble upon your blog and know your thoughts and yet not know who you are! heh, that’s a new one isn’t it, reverse voyeurism

and on that thought, maybe i should change the title of this entry to reverse voyeurism. let’s all say it one more time, all together now…REVERSE VOYEURISM!

when i started writing this entry, i was going to say “no, don’t write anonymous blogs” but i like this reverse voyerism epiphany of mine…so go ahead and write your anonymous blogs!

but Syl, you will SHARE with me the adress of your ‘anonymous’ blog right?

one last time now…REVERE VOYEURISM!

it’s 1.19am, i should be going to bed but there’s a million things running through my head. so much for overcoming insomnia…oh well, it’s almost like welcoming back an old friend…

hmm old friends…they used to tell me that friends come and go, i never used to believe them. maybe it’s due to that wretched side of my psyche that remains sentimental way after the time for sentimentality has long passed. it’s way past due time for the awake from this…

i wanted it to last till the end, to stand the test of time. it is almost as if it is alive; nurture it and it will grow, neglect it and naught will come of it. i have been most guilty of the latter through certain periods in my life, i make no excuses, i acknowledge my errors, but i used to believe in redemption where one can right wrongs made…

sometimes along the way, we get lost and we hurt the ones closest to us, sometimes later on we find them again and rediscover the friendship. but sometimes there is no second chance, people move on, the chapter is closed and they have no reason to revisit it again.

ah, but there is no one to blame. everyone makes mistakes. it is just sad when you discover that you no longer matter in the scheme of the person’s life, not even for old times’ sake. but the hurt could be a simple reflection of the hurt one felt that was initially felt when i erred. so in the end, there is no one to blame and everyone to blame…cest la vie.

to all my friends, past, present and future and to those who are no longer, this is my tribute to you…thakn you for having graced my life.

mungkinkah bila ku bertanya pada bintang bintang, dan bila ku mula merasa bahasa kesunyian, 

sedarlah aku yang berjalan dalam kehampaan, terdiam, terpana, terbata semua dalam keraguan, 

aku dan semua yang terluka karena kita, 

aku kan menghilang dalam pekat malam, lepas ku melayang, biarlah aku bertanya pada bintang bintang, tentang erti kita

dalam mimpi yang sempurna

~ peter pan ~

this is from the movie ‘Stigmata’ from a few years back. yes, i know it’s very hollywood and maybe the precursor to the upcoming ‘Da Vinci Code’ movie in terms of mentioning the Vatican, controversy and cover up in the same breath.

but hey, instead of condemning me immediately for bringing up issues on religion, just take a netural stance and have a think about the repercussions the following few phrases may have on religious institutions all over the world, if it were true…

The kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, Not in mansions of wood and stone, Split a piece of wood and I am there, Lift a stone and you will find Me

a moment of silence in a darkened room, is all that i ask, all that i need, a moment to reflect, a moment to think, all that has past, everything that is, all that is to come,  there is no right, there is no wrong.

a moment of silence, in the darkness, to illuminate the way, to light the path, a moment of refuge, a moment of deliverance.

slipping through my fingers, i cannot stop it, the cries for help drowned away by the passing sirens, fading away in the stillness of the night….

Someone told me once that it is not wrong to be afraid, for it is this fear that will spur one forth to avoid failure. But there is always two sides to the story; what of those who are paralysed by fear?

“Fear is the mind killer” – Frank Herbert

Is there anyone that is truly fearless? Or just people who are less affected by it compared to others?

There was a time when I was so afraid to move out of the little comfort zone that I had built around myself. I used to make excuses for my inability to extend myself and move out of that zone. “…if only this…if only that…what if?”

The fear of the unknown, the fear of moving out of our comfort zone is the fear that keeps us from achieving our dreams…and it is these dreams that will slowly but inevitably fade away with time. And one day we will wake up and realize all that has been relinquished for comfort…

I use this phrase quite a lot, maybe my friends begrudge me for that. But I do believe in it…it makes life easier to live. If something positive comes out of a situation (in the short term or long term), one can look back and reflect that it happened for a reason. On the contrary, if something negative results from a situation…hey, sh*t happens!

I was worried about missing Melbourne after eleven years there. Coming home to Malaysia, I used to get annoyed with anything I could lay my hands on; the weather, the traffic, the people etc. Work dictated that I had to be in Jakarta for a period of time. Jakarta is more polluted and the traffic is worse compared to KL. The poor is so poor it breaks my heart just seeing them…
It then dawned on me that I was so busy seeing what Malaysia was lacking that I overlooked the things that makes Malaysia a great place…it took work commitments to Jakarta for me to realize that…see, everything happens for a reason…i told you SO!

I was walking through the night market with my sister when I saw him. Sitting alone on the dirty road, with only a grimy piece of cardboard as cushion. He was squeezed in between two stalls selling rambutans and langsats, leftover skin and squashed fruit strewn about him as he sat there, listening to the cacophony of the night market.

Oblivious to his surrounds, he sits there with his plastic mug held out asking for spare change. He does not see the faces of the people walking pass, he does not see the stares…he is blind.

Is he a victim of circumstance? Is it self inflicted? Is it the lack of opportunities? Is it the lack of trying?

i do not know…

…it is heart wrenching…this i know

this is something that i came across over the weekend. it made me realise how often quick fixes are put forwad in our society today. how seemingly kind advise, antidepressants and how the ‘should be‘ word is bandied with little consideration or understanding of one’s circumstance…

it made me ponder and it made me think about the way i see things, the way i do things…this is what i share today…

could you just listen – anonymous when i ask you to listen to me and
you start giving me advice,
you have not done what i askedwhen i ask you to listen to me and
you begin to tell me why
i shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings

when i ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem

listen! all i asked was that you listen,
not to talk or do…
just hear me
advice is cheap – radio, tv magazines
and newspapers are full of it

i can do for myself,
i am not helpless,
maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless

when you do something for me
that i can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy

so please listen and just hear me
and if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn
- i’ll listen to you